Problems with the Plumbing
by Arlath's Star
Summary: In which Ianto wishes that he knew how to swim.
1. Chapter 1

**It seems that in my last story Ianto got off rather lightly, being sadly neglected in terms of cliff-hangers and near-death situations. I intend to rectify this grave error in the following story. That's about all you need to know about it for now.**

**As for owning Torchwood – do you think I'd be surviving on a student loan if I did?**

Chapter One

Torchwood is an ancient and complex institution, and the Hub is an ancient and complex building. It has often been thought to have a life of its own, and it certainly has more than a few hidden secrets. Several of these, experience has shown, are due to its creators being a rather over-imaginative bunch (apart from possibly the basic plan of designing it in the style of the London Underground), who added on a lot of features that merely seemed like a good idea at the time. Some of these have turned out to be fairly useful – the invisible lift, for example – some of them not so. These less useful systems have, on the whole, been forgotten.

Take the Hub's defence systems. Many of them are very practical, and have saved lives on numbers of occasions in making sure that no alien threat within the Hub ever escapes to the outside world. Others are less well-used. Some have been forgotten about, even by Jack. Even, in fact, by Ianto.

One of the more ancient and obscure Hub defence systems involves a very complex and convoluted series of pipes, which, quite naturally, have their main set of controls right next to the one for the hot water system, this seeming to the designers to be an eminently sensible option.

However, no one ever said Torchwood employees had to be sensible.

.

It was one of those days at the Hub where nothing much seemed to be happening. This was partly because the Rift was being particularly quiet, but mostly because Jack was away. According to Ianto this was something to do with a meeting with the Government, but the rest of the team didn't care much about the details.

"Where's the Teaboy?" Owen asked.

"You mean Ianto?" Gwen corrected him. She was beginning to get annoyed with his inability to refer to Ianto by name. "He's doing a check on the lower levels, or something."

"What, seeing if we've got any cybermen locked away down there?"

Gwen sighed and put down the report she was supposed to be reading through. "I thought we'd agreed not to mention that."

"Well, he's not here, is he?" Owen climbed up out of the autopsy room, leaving the room's newest occupant resting on the slab.

Tosh looked up as he appeared. "Owen, you've got…" she waved her hands about a little as she tried to find the word "gloop all over you."

Owen looked down. "Thanks, Tosh." He said curtly. "And _you _have got a coffee stain on that shirt. Not that it suits you anyway."

The two girls watched him walk away. "Well, someone got out on the wrong side of bed this morning." Gwen commented.

.

Gwen's comment is of course wrong in the respect that Owen, being dead, no longer needs to sleep, and even if he did he would claim that there is no such thing as 'the wrong side' of his double bed. In fact, he would probably have bought himself a double bed specially to prove Gwen wrong. But although Owen no longer needs to sleep, he does, as Tosh has so delicately pointed out, still need to shower, especially since a large part of his job still consists of dissecting alien bodies. That isn't actually the reason why Owen is headed to the Hub's showers right now though - he is going because he knows that a shower will help him calm down and will remove some of the stress caused by no longer being able to sleep, eat or do practically anything else he wants to do.

No one has yet worked out what was wrong with the showers that Owen felt it was necessary to try and meddle with them. Owen's original excuse ws that they were 'too cold', but this didn't go down to well coming from a man who would walk through the Welsh rain quite happily on the basis that he no longer noticed how freezing it was. This reason was soon changed to the rather ambiguous 'the water pressure wasn't right'.

Ianto believes that the answer lies in a something Owen said a long time before the incident – something along the lines of "I'm a tw*t."

But, as Gwen pointed out, it doesn't matter _why_ he did it, more that he did.

Perhaps the largest piece of evidence to suggest that Owen only meddled with the controls on a whim is that he failed to notice that what he did had absolutely no impact at all on any aspect of his shower.

It did, however, have quite a large impact on the cellars Ianto was stood in.

**Err… I'm regrettably going to cut there and make this two short chapters rather than one really long one. It's a pity, because I haven't yet produced a life-or-death cliff-hanger, just a measly little 'what the hell's going on?' cliff-hanger. **

**Questions, comments and general slander can be addressed to the review button…**


	2. Chapter 2

**Huge thanks to my reviewers who make me feel that squeezing in time to update is worthwhile: L.A.H.H., gernumblies, milady dragon, FoxGlade, NikkieSheepie and Marian Locksley! And particularly to L.A.H.H. for pointing out all the mistakes. I will try not to do that this time. **

Chapter Two

The first point at which anyone in the main section of the Hub noticed anything was wrong was when Ianto's voice came in across the comms.

"_Tosh!"_

"What, Ianto?"

"_The Hub's flooding! There's all this water from the Bay pouring in! And I can't find where it's coming in!" _

Tosh cut through Ianto's stream of panic-stricken comments. "Ianto, where are you?"

"_The lowest level. Room 105. But it's not just this room, it's all of them!"_

Tosh brought up the CCTV feed fast. The image was not a cheerful one – Ianto was standing in a room rapidly filling with brown water.

Gwen swore loudly as she looked at the screen over Tosh's shoulder. "Ianto! Get out of there!"

"_I can't! The door to the stairs is locked!"_

"Alright," said Gwen hurriedly, trying to think. "Tosh, go and get that unlocking device of yours…"

"But we can't! If we open that door the rest of the Hub will flood too!" Tosh took a deep breath. "If this is some kind of internal system – which I think it is – as soon as we open that door the main entrance will seal. This thing's supposed to make sure nothing down there gets out."

Gwen swallowed. Tosh was right – the whole of the Hub was already underneath sea level. It wouldn't take much to flood it completely.

"_What should I do?"_

"Just hold on, Ianto! Tread water or something! We'll get you out, I promise!"

"_Gwen! I can't swim!"_

On the screen the water was already nearly at Ianto's waist.

"Hey, Tosh, what's happening?" Owen's shower had put him in a much better mood.

"Some sort of emergency system's been triggered, the lower floor's flooding and Ianto's trapped down there." Tosh replied briefly, her attention focused on searching the computer archives for anything that could help them.

"Shit!" Owen swallowed hesitantly. "I messed around with the pipes a bit -"

"Where?" Tosh demanded immediately. She ran after him as he sprinted back down to the showers.

"_Gwen!"_

"Ssh, Ianto, it's going to be ok." Gwen crossed her fingers behind her back as tightly as she possibly could. She glanced at the screen again. "Is there anything that floats in there that you can hold onto?"

"_No!"_

"Alright." Gwen took another deep breath and tried to sound cheerful. "So, you need some emergency swimming lessons then?"

"_Yeah."_ Ianto's voice wobbled slightly.

"Ok. So, to tread water you kick your legs and move your arms about…"

"_This isn't helping, Gwen!" _

"Sorry. It's just like jogging on the spot, only in water, whilst moving your arms a bit like a frog."

"_What do I do when I meet the ceiling?"_

"Errm… hold your breath." Gwen was suddenly very aware that this was not what Ianto was wanting to hear.

"_Where are Tosh and Owen?" _

"They're sorting it out. Don't worry."

Ianto doesn't comment. 'Don't worry' is not the most appropriate statement at the moment.

"_Gwen?" _Tosh's voice came in over the comms. _"Get on the computer and search the plans of the Hub for these controls."_

Gwen clearly heard the unspoken message beneath what she was saying. Tosh and Owen could not work out how to reverse the damage. Her worry came out in the falsely cheerful voice she used to reassure Ianto. "I won't be long, Ianto. I just need to concentrate on giving Tosh a hand."

Ianto croaked something in reply, but Gwen didn't hear, already frantically searching the blueprints of the Hub for the instructions they so desperately needed.

**Ok, not a very long chapter, I confess, but quite a lot happened. Or you could just sum up the whole thing by saying that Ianto got a bit wet, I suppose. **

**Any thoughts? Is drowning Ianto cruel? **

**Please, please review. I like getting nice comments about things I've written, preferably on my essays, but on my stories too. Even negative comments help me improve. Threats aren't so great, but they're fun to read. And now I'm just trying to add to the word count. I'll go start writing the next one instead, shall I? **


	3. Chapter 3

**Lots of thanks to everyone who reviewed my last chapter, brief though it was. So that's: Amy, miladydragon, brionyjae, Stormreaver01, L.A.H.H., cjh4ever, gernumblies, erin, Marian Locksley, Tv-a-holic and NikkieSheepie! And another huge thank you to everyone who's added it to any kind of alert etc. **

**Reading this through again it seems pathetically short. I really should have merged it and the last chapter. The whole story is starting to seem pathetically short, actually. But unfortunately this is all I've got time for at the moment. Perhaps at Christmas I might get time to write something a bit more substantial. **

**Ok, I've added a few bits. Some of it's from Owen, and thus counts as offensive. You have been warned!**

Chapter Three

The water was lapping at his breast pocket now – he could feel it soaking the tissue he kept there. He didn't have any doubts that unless the others did something the water would keep on rising at this same slow, steady pace. Ianto knew just how deep underground this part of the Hub was built, and he also had a good idea of how deep Cardiff Bay was. Cardiff Bay… It looked so beautiful on the surface, reflecting all the thousand colours of Cardiff's lights as though there was another city beneath the waves, but underneath it was all just murky water and buried bones. Buried by Torchwood, mostly. Ianto tried not to think about that, concentrating instead on the first image of the peaceful Bay, and ignoring the gentle flow pushing and pulling against his numb legs. It couldn't be so bad really, if it was that calm and quiet… He tried to summon up the memories of all those times he'd stood against the railings on a warm summer evening after they'd closed up the Hub, with Jack's arm around his shoulders…

Ianto blinked in the cold light, and yelled into his comms.

"Jack! Call Jack!"

* * *

Owen paused in looking helplessly at the controls as Ianto's voice came in over the comms. In less than a second his phone was in his hand, dialling Jack's number.

Tosh turned away from the jumble of piping to watch him desperately as he paced up and down the corridor, waiting for the dial tone.

Owen tried to breathe evenly to calm himself down as he counted the number of rings. _One… two…_ How long did it normally take Jack to answer? It was about the fourth or fifth with most people, wasn't it? _Three… four…_ He turned round as his pacing reached the end of the corridor, making a face at Tosh. Slow bastard. He wouldn't be like this is he knew what was happening. _Five… six… _No, please no…

"_Hello, this is Captain Jack Harkness. Leave a message and I'll get back to you when I -". _The answer-phone message was cut off as Owen killed the call and threw the offending mobile at the wall.

Tosh just looked at him helplessly. There were so many dials and knobs on the apparatus in front of her that she didn't dare touch them without plans of some sort. With no knowledge of how any of the controls worked she was as blind as Owen, and she was desperately afraid that by randomly guessing what to do she would only make matters worse.

_Please, please, please don't let us lose Ianto just because I can't work this out… Not Ianto. Please. Oh, come on Tosh, you must be able to do _something… _There'll be plans somewhere and even if Gwen can't find them you should be able to work this out… Come _on_ Tosh! _

* * *

Gwen had had no idea just how many background systems there were within the Hub. She was coming up with things she had never heard of – lists of complex titles that just weren't quite what she was looking for. The system was running every search she could think of: 'flooding', 'lower defences', 'emergency systems'… And all of them were coming up blank.

* * *

_Shit. Just shit. Tosh looks like she's going to cry. What a day to find the one system in this bloody place we don't know how to work! And for it to be the one thing the network doesn't have a manual for! God, Owen, you really mucked it up this time, didn't you? Spending the rest of your days with a Ianto-less Jack Harkness? Shit, I wish it was me down there instead of him. _

_Isn't there something I can do? There must be _something_ we can do, not just stand here waiting… _

* * *

_They haven't called back yet. That means nothing's changed. And Jack's not there. _

_I wish Jack was there. And its cold down here, so cold. _

_About a metre above my head until you get to the ceiling, and it's only at my shoulders… That gives it another few minutes. That's time. That's time. There's a lot that can happen in a few minutes. I could drown, for instance… No. I can swim, I must be able to. It sounds really easy. Everyone can do it. We'll manage. Admittedly it would be easier if I could feel my legs… It'll be fine. Nothing to it._

_It's the bit after that that I'm worried about. _

**Ok, so what do you think should happen in those few minutes? I am open to all suggestions. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you to TV-a-holic, workingsomecoffeemagic, brionyjae, biancaruth, PCJanto, milady dragon, cjh4ever, L.A.H.H., thedeejay, gernumblies, NikkieSheepie, Cyber-ianto and Marian Locksley. You are all totally amazing.**

Chapter 4

Gwen was making the same calculations, watching the water level rise on her computer screen.

"Tosh?"

"_Yes? Have you found something?"_

"No. Have you still got the unlocker? We could get Ianto out, then sort this, we must be able to…"

"_Gwen, trust me, we'll all be trapped. If that water gets any higher up the other systems will go down."_

"But we could still get out, couldn't we? We'd still be able to use your device thing to get out?"

"_Possibly. I can't be sure."_

"Then why not try that?"

"_There are other things we have to protect, Gwen…"_

"Ianto's dying!"

Owen cut in on the conversation. _"There's stuff down here that will do _serious _damage if it gets dumped in the Bay. This isn't just about Ianto."_

Gwen glanced back at the CCTV screen. At least Ianto seemed to have got the hang of swimming, but he was soon going to run out of room…

* * *

_I must be swimming. I'm still afloat. But I can't feel my legs moving, or my arms. They must be though. _

_Swimming's kind of calming, actually. I can't feel anything and it seems like I could just go on for ever and ever…_

_Until I reach the solid concrete that just scraped the top of my head. _

* * *

'Water', 'Bay', 'pipes' … there must be more words to search for… 'cut-off', 'inflow', 'plumbing'…

'_Cellar Plumbing: First Defence'_

Thank God.

"Tosh! Tosh, I've found it!"

"_What does it say?"_

Gwen squinted at the blueprint. It looked more like a diagram of a bowl of spaghetti that a plumbing system. The knot of nervousness in her stomach resembled it fairly well too. "I'm not sure…"

"_Gwen! Please! It should be labelled!" _

"I think it's the large lever to the right – No! No! Sorry!" Gwen took a deep breath and tried to decipher the drawing again. "The big gear wheel."

"Which _big gear wheel?"_

"On the bottom right."

"_Next to the lever?"_

"Yes."

"_Which direction do I turn it in?"_

"Err… anticlockwise." _Please please please let that be right… _

It's strange how in situations like this everyone's thinking exactly the same thing.

* * *

_I never thought I'd die in a cellar. A back-alley, maybe, but never a cellar. _

_I never thought I'd ever appreciate oxygen this much either. There's less and less of it every time I come up, and I'm so tired of swimming, and there's nothing left to swim for anyway._

* * *

The gear wheel made a grating sound as Tosh and Owen together heaved it round until it ground to a stop. With Gwen just behind them they were racing down the flights of stairs, gasping for breath, pulling up short at the sealed door at the bottom, Tosh fumbling frantically with the unlocking device.

_This could go so wrong. If Gwen got it wrong, if we got it wrong…_

The door spilled open, but it led only onto more stairs. Four steps down and pool of darkness lapped the sides of the walls, cold and silent. Beyond it they could see yet another door, the murky water seeping underneath it.

Owen grabbed the device Tosh was still clutching and waded into the water. Gwen made as though to follow, but Tosh pulled her back.

"He can breathe down there, remember?" The underlying tone to her voice made it clear how aware she currently was that Ianto did not possess this skill. "Go grab the medical kit, blankets…" And Gwen was gone.

* * *

Owen didn't feel the cold engulf him, not even when he opened the second door and slid into the darkness beyond. He crashed into a wall, unable to see, before pulling himself upwards to try and find the surface. The top of his head was grazing the ceiling and even when he twisted himself onto his back he couldn't find anything but water.

"Ianto?"

His voice was swallowed up by the sea all around him, and he could still see nothing.

_Come on, think… It's only a small room. He should be at the surface if… _

He swam around the small enclosed space blindly until he hit something. The first thing just turned out to be some sack, but the second thing… The second thing was Ianto.

Owen grabbed his unconscious body instinctively and dragged him towards the door, trying to swim as quickly as possible whilst towing a dead weight behind him. He seemed to hang for eternity in the oblivion between himself and the door, feeling for it with one free hand, getting trapped for one agonisingly long moment… And then there was light and air and Tosh heaving them up onto the steps and…

'**and…' has to be the most pathetic cliff-hanger ever, but it will do for now. Sorry! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry this is a bit late. I've only just arrived home, so I've been busy packing, unpacking, partying etc. To make up for it I've considerably extended this chapter for you, and particularly for my wonderful reviewers, who made last week even better than it already was: thunderincrimson, thedeejay, gernumblies, Marian Locksley, Quiet Time, milady dragon, NikkieSheepie, TvV-a-holic, chironsgirl, cjh4ever, L.A.H.H., brionyjae, gurugirl and biancaruth!**

Chapter Five

Gwen clattered down the stairs, her arms bursting with everything she could find. She saw Tosh and Owen crouching over a heap on the floor, Owen soaked from head to foot. In the dim light the spreading pool around them looked like blood.

"Here – I've brought towels, those thermo-blankets, the first aid kit…" Gwen broke off. "He's alive, isn't he?"

Owen glanced up at her. He didn't nod or shake, just gave her an order. "Take over from Tosh so that she can sort out the medical equipment."

Owen was giving chest compressions, she realised. That meant Ianto wasn't breathing. And Owen couldn't breath either, which meant that she had to…

"Gwen." Tosh warned her urgently, already away from Ianto's side.

Gwen knelt down, the icy water soaking through her jeans. She's never done this on a real person before, but Ianto's lips were so cold it felt like she was still practising on one of those plastic dummies.

"How long's he been like this?" She asked, between breaths.

"One minute, maybe two." Owen replied sharply.

"How long can…" But the words were choked in her throat.

Tosh was unfolding blankets.

"No point in them." Owen announced. "He hasn't got any heat to keep in. Use the towels instead."

Gwen bent down again, but this time she thought she felt something on her cheek.

"He's breathing!"

"Good." said Owen, in a tone that reminded the others that this was only the first milestone they had to pass. "We need to get him somewhere warm, quickly."

It took all three of them to heave him up the stairs, having to pause for breath at every floor. It seemed like a miracle when they finally emerged into the main hub, even though they still had to carry him down the stairs to the medical bay. But he was still breathing, even if only faintly.

In the bright light, as Tosh hurried to turn on the heating full blast, Gwen at last got the chance to look at Ianto properly. His skin was a sickly shade somewhere between white and blue, and he was still unconscious.

Owen threw her a towel, and Gwen joined in with the attempt to rub some warmth into Ianto's limbs. It wasn't long before Tosh was back too, hugging his cold body to herself.

It felt like they hung like that forever.

* * *

And now they sat and watched the blanket-swaddled, hot-water-bottle-packed heap that was Ianto Jones breathe. It almost made Owen's lungs ache watching him. He'd forgotten how good it felt to breathe. It made you feel alive. You never really appreciated it until… Well, Ianto would appreciate it.

Tosh fell asleep too after a while. Owen hadn't realised how late it was until then. They placed her by Ianto's side as a sort of extra-large hot-water bottle.

They contemplated the two of them for a long time in silence, until Owen eventually realised that Gwen had nodded off too. He didn't mind. He was enjoying the peaceful feeling of being alone but not alone in the quiet sanctuary of the Hub. His mind hadn't felt this at rest in ages. Maybe he should try to drown Ianto more often.

He felt that peculiar sensation of being observed trickle down the back of his neck, and looked up to find Ianto's gaze fixed on him.

"Err… Sorry?"

"Sorry?" Ianto repeated. His voice was definitely there, even if it was a little on the faint side.

"Yeah." Ianto still looked blank at that, so Owen decided to make his apology a full one. "I'm sorry. It was all my fault. But I did rescue you." He added, as a slightly brighter afterthought.

"Thanks." Ianto was having problems trying to remember the last time he'd heard Owen apologise sincerely to him. In fact he was having problems trying to remember the last time Owen had apologised sincerely to _anyone_. Presumably whatever Owe had done was something particularly bad, and worthy of guilt even by Owen's standards.

"Do you, do you…" Owen tried to force the words out. "Do you forgive me?"

"Um… yes."

Owen appeared to brighten up a bit.

"Forgive you for what?"

**Everyone happy now? No more cliff-hangers, Ianto alive and (mostly) well? There'll be at least one more chapter, by the way, so keep an eye out! **


	6. Chapter 6

**Ok, so this is the finale. Which means an even bigger rounds of thanks than normal to all those lovely people who have made this worthwhile for me: biancaruth, cjh4ever, L.A.H.H. milady dragon, NikkieSheepie, thedeejay, gurugirl, brionyjae, Marian Locksley, Aviv b and chironsgirl. Here, hopefully, is the answer to all your questions about 'what will happen when Jack gets back?' **

Chapter 6

"Can we –" Ianto paused. It was morning, and he had only just got a fully comprehensive version of events from Tosh. "Can we not mention this to Jack?"

"Why?" Owen asked, slightly surprised to say the least. He hadn't expected Ianto to be on the same side as him on this.

Tosh frowned. "But he needs to know, doesn't he? It's protocol."

"Hey, it's fine with me." Owen leant back in his chair. "I've got a nice face – I don't want Jack's fists in it."

"Why don't you want him to know, Ianto?" Gwen was looking at him intensely.

"He…" Ianto fiddled with something in one of his pockets, "he worries enough about us as it is. He's always so conscious of it, that we're mortal and he's not. I don't want to remind him. Not more than we already do."

Tosh nodded. She understood why Ianto didn't want Jack to know. He could be overprotective as it was – not surprising really, considering the circumstances. "But how could we possibly get away with it?" she asked.

* * *

"So, did you all have fun while I was away?"

Gwen, Tosh, Owen and Ianto looked at each other.

"You were only away for two days, Jack." Gwen reminded him.

"Yeah, what could possibly happen in two days?"

"Owen, the last time I left you on your own in here for two hours I came back to find that my favourite chair was a heap of ashes."

"We didn't do any weapons testing this time, sir."

"What did you do?"

"Oh, filing mostly."

"Do you know what I find suspicious?"

"What, Jack?" Tosh replied, a little hesitantly. The rehearsed conversation hadn't been supposed to go this way.

"This place is far too tidy for you to have done _nothing_."

"Some coffee got spilt, sir, but that's it." Ianto lied smoothly. "All tidied up now."

"And why are you all so tired?"

"Paperwork." Gwen supplied. "Ianto kept us back late doing it. He said he wanted it all finished before you got back."

"Mmhhmm. Ianto, you seem to have got a very bad cold all of a sudden."

"No, I got it yesterday, I think. From Owen."

Ianto knew as soon as Jack opened his mouth that he'd made a mistake. "But Owen's dea-"

"Stress, sir."

Jack nodded. "And finally, why has all of yesterday's CCTV mysteriously disappeared from the system?"

"Um…"

"Ah…"

"That was…"

"Me." said Owen decisively. "I, err…"

Jack looked right through him. Damn it. They always knew he'd get this far. Which was why they'd come up with a back-up plan…

"I, I sort of blew up a weevil. It was a kind of joke."

"You blew up a weevil?"

"Well, a dead one."

"How?"

Owen shuffled his feet in true Owen style. "It was an experiment."

"Testing what?"

"How much I could piss everyone else off."

Jack seemed to accept that. "And why didn't you want to tell me? I mean, how come all the others are covering up for you?"

"Ah, your desk got slightly splattered, sir… All gone now, of course, but we thought it would be best if…"

_Thank you Ianto_ Owen thought.

Jack sighed. "I leave you all for two days and you manage to cover my desk with charred weevil guts… Well, I suppose it could be worse. At least nobody got killed, huh?"

**Well, it's the Christmas holidays now, and I don't seem to have a job... If you're lucky you should get a story for Christmas (or at least, I assume if you've stuck with me this far then you'll see this as at least a vaguely good thing) though I can't promise that it will be a particularly Christmassy story. And it might even be longer than this one. You never know. **


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